


Fate

by Anonymouscow



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars
Genre: Alcohol, Drug Abuse, F/M, M/M, Mourning, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Suicide, more tags soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 17:37:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11719218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymouscow/pseuds/Anonymouscow
Summary: Rogue One survives Scarif, but maybe they weren't meant to survive the war. After the Rogue One crew loses a teammate, they try to cope with the help of Leia, Luke, and Han.





	1. Losing Him

**Author's Note:**

> This story may be triggering to others. Please read with caution. In case you don't already know, this story includes topics like suicide, self harm, drug abuse/misuse, and mentions of sex. If I inaccurately describe anything or confuse a concept please comment and I will fix it. This work is not meant to offend or harm. Since the story is told by the point of view of multiple characters, the narration is unreliable. I do not encourage suicide, self harm, or drug abuse.

_** First she lost him. Then she lost her mind. ** _

He was supposed to come back a month ago. They told me that nothing could go wrong. All lies. That's all that anyone's ever told me. Except Cassian. He told me that he would never leave me on purpose.

"Little sister, what bothers you," Baze asked, lines of worry etched his face.

"Nothing Baze. I'm _fine_ ," I retort.

"Jyn you are most definitely not fine. Is it Cassian? They told us that he would just be a little late. Nothing can go wrong in a month," he tried to reassure me. But I wasn't having it.

"Everything can go wrong in a month. By now he could be..." I didn't let myself say. I didn't want myself to think it.

"They would have told us if something happened to Captain Andor. He's a strong man Jyn. He'll be okay." He put a hand on my shoulder.

He wasn't okay. They got him. They tortured him to death. I couldn't believe it until they found his body, bloody, bruised, and broken.

_"Cassian!" My wails bounce around the infirmary walls. Bodhi is beside me, blankly staring at him, and Chirrut's face was showered in despair. And Baze's eyes were glossed over with tears. I cry and cry and cry non-stop. Baze embraces me and apologizes over and over and over. Mothma finally has to call someone over to drag me out. I never want to leave him. I can't. He has to be alive. They all promised._

"Jyn? Are you there?" Princess Leia knocked on my door.

"Yes." My voice cracks. I get up and open the door. She enters and sits besides me on the bed.

"I understand that Captain Andor's death has effected you, and the rest of Rogue One greatly," she pauses and looks at me with what looked like empathy, "and that you might want to take a break, or even leave the Rebellion. You are welcome to do so. If you choose to leave, we can transport you to a planet of your choice and you never have to be involved again."

"Leave? Are you kidding? And let those bastards get away with what they did to Cassian! We need to keep fighting! We need to stop them! We need justice over what they did to him," I yelled.

"Understood. I assume that you want me to sign you up for an upcoming mission?" She got up and was standing in the doorway, exactly where Cassian used to stand when he came back from a mission.

"Yes," I quietly said, choking back tears. The Princess left and closed the door. I bury my head into Cassian's pillow and allow myself to cry. A knock comes on the door. 

"Who the fuck is it now," I scream.

"Jyn," a familiar voice called for me. It's Bodhi.

"Come in," I sigh. He comes in and stands next to me.

"Jyn you aren't doing so well. It's been three weeks," he states quietly.

"It has," I ask. I'm surprised. It only seemed like three days ago since...

"You've barely come out of your room. Leia came by to all of our rooms to ask us if we are staying. Are you staying," he asks.

"Yes Bodhi what type of fucking question is that! We can't let these assholes get away with what they did to Cassian," I spit out. Bodhi sits on the bed and takes one of my hands in his. I can't keep it in any longer and cry like I did the day Cassian came back dead. He cried too. I felt his chest rise and fall in an uneven pace. Tears fell on my head.

"What about you?" I quietly ask after twenty minutes of silent crying.

"I... I don't know. I don't know if I want to go on. After what happens to Cassian, I just don't feel like it anymore. I'm tired of this," he sighed.

"What about Chirrut and Baze? Are they staying?" I find myself pestering him.

"They said that if you go they'll go with you. And if you don't, we'll keep fighting together," he answers. "If you're staying, maybe I'll stay too. For Cassian," he says. He gives me one last hug before he leaves my room.

I get up and walk to the refresher. I look in the mirror and gasp. I look terrible. Dark bags hung under my eyes, my hair was a tangled, frizzy mess since I hadn't taken my bun out for three weeks. And when I took off my clothes, my bones were starting to stick out. I hadn't eaten much for the past three weeks. Three weeks? He must be kidding. It couldn't have been that long. I feel my heart drop to my stomach, and cry again. I grab one of Cassian's jackets and sob into it, clutching it as if my life depended on it. Maybe it did.

_The service was two days after he died. It's small. Only the few of us who he personally knew attended. He was dressed in a nice suit, his hair brushed perfectly and body clean of blood. It looked like he was just sleeping. The rest of us, on the other hand, were a mess. Bodhi was pale and he just stared at nothing, Leia had her head buried into Han's chest, and Luke solemnly observed everyone else. Draven had a look of absolute devastation on his face. Mon Mothma's face was streaked with tears, and Baze had a grave expression on his face, lines of stress etched in his face. And I, looked the worst out of them all. The night before I cried until I finally fell asleep, but only for a couple of hours, before waking up from a nightmare. I slipped on a black dress and didn't even bother to do my makeup or my hair. Chirrut was the only one who looked somewhat decent and actually had himself together. I lo_ _oked_ _like a monster. Draven delivered a eulogy and when I went up to give a speech, I broke down. I cried and Chirrut had to pick me up and carry me back to my seat. I couldn't bear to be there a moment more and left._

I entered the mess hall, to find everyone staring at me. They fell silent, before whispering.

"Erso's really devastated about Andor."

"She looks like a zombie."

"She isn't fit to work anymore."

"She's been locked away for three weeks? I thought she died as well." I quietly sip my caf at the table in the corner and try to ignore them.

"ENOUGH," Bodhi shouted. Everyone was shocked at his sudden outburst.

"Yeah leave her alone," Luke stood by Bodhi and tried to defend me.

"It's okay guys. I have been pretty pathetic. People die all the time and everyone keeps moving on with their lives. I should too." I mumble. They take a seat next to me.

"The next time anyone gives you shit, tell us. We'll skin them like a womp rat," he scowled. I slightly smile at his attempt to be scary. The truth is, a guy like Bodhi wouldn't harm anybody on purpose. That's why he's a pilot. That's what he was and always will be.

"Thanks guys." 

"Who's bothering little sister?" Chirrut and Baze sit next to us.

"Them," Luke gestures to almost all of the people in the mess hall.

"Can't wait to get back on the field. Then we can take our anger out," Baze growls.

"Yeah," is all I say. When we are done I take Bodhi to the medical ward. He has to refill his medication. Ever since Cassian died on that mission, he's been having to take anti-depressants. He told me about being diagnosed with bipolar depression when we left the mess hall. Poor Bodhi. I didn't even know until now. He says he's coping, but I see that sometimes he'll get up and leave for no reason. I've heard sobs coming from his room in the middle of the night, when I wander the halls after another sleepless night. We pick up his medication and after that he wanders off on his own.

"Have you seen Bodhi," Luke asks a few minutes after me and Bodhi pick up his medication.

"I was with him a while ago to pick up his anti-depressants. But after that he went off on his own," I explain. He said a quick "thank you" and runs off. I head to my room.

"Little sister," I hear Baze call for me.

"I'm here," I reply. I go over and open the door. He is standing there with Chirrut and is looking at me with concern written on his face.

"Are you sure you are okay? I sense that something is wrong. The Force, it's very dim around you. Different from the glow you had when... well you know when," his voice softened at the last part.

"I'm fine." I lie.

"Jyn. You're not okay. Would you feel better if you talked to someone?" Baze asked. I don't know where it came from but a sob escapes my lips. Baze and Chirrut come inside the room and help me get to my bed, which hadn't been made since I got the call.

_"Jyn you are needed in the infirmary. We have some bad news to tell you." The voice on the other line sounded sullen. I leapt up and ran halfway across base to the infirmary, not bothering to finish making the bed. Heart in my stomach and legs wobbling like jelly, I run and run, earning strange looks. I'm out of breath when I make it, and when I see him, our friends crying, the flatline on the heart monitor, I collapse._

_"Cassian!" I wailed._

Tears keep streaming down my face when I remember that moment. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Because Cassian was my heart. My reason for being. My love. My everything. And he was ripped away from me. I don't hold back. I sob and Chirrut is whispering to me but I can't hear him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Bodhi and Luke enter the room. They start to pick up clothes off the floor and fold and put them away. Baze picks me up and cradles me like a small child while they help clean the room. He's strong and sturdy.

"We are going to help you recover. And this is how you start." Chirrut opened his arms and I sobbed with him. He was crying too. He felt my pain. We all huddled on the now-made bed and cried for an hour before I calmed down.

"It hurts so bad," I confess. And it does. I can't stand being without him. The way he held me when I woke up from a nightmare. The way he kissed me when he came home from a long mission. The way he called me "Stardust" and "mi amor". The way we huddled in the cold of Hoth.

"I know my Jyn. I feel so much hurt." His voice is strained, and hot tears fall from his face to the top of my head.

"Jyn, me and Luke have to go. We're sorry. We hope we can help you. Remember to comm us when you need help," Bodhi said softly. They leave and I'm left with the Guardians.

"It won't ever stop hurting," I croak.

"No, but we can reduce the pain," Chirrut softly says. He composes himself and tells me that maybe I'll see Cassian again in my dreams. Maybe. Or maybe it'll be another restless night of envisioning what happened to him.

"Do you want us to stay little sister," Baze asked.

"I don't want to trouble you," I say.

"It's no problem at all. We would sleep better if we know that you are alright," Chirrut insisted.

"Okay," I give in. They sleep on the other bed that originally belonged to Cassian, before we started sleeping together. I sleep alone tonight.

_"Jyn?" His familiar voice is calling out to me._

_"Cassian!" I'm overjoyed to hear him after so long._

_"Mi amor I've missed you so much!" He's wearing the same suit that he wore at the funeral._

_"Cassian, what happened," I ask._

_"My informant was a fake. Right after we met up he took me to an Imperial prison before I was interrogated by the Empire. They tortured me. But I didn't say anything. Jyn, I miss you so much. Please don't suffer. I'll always be right here. Please baby. I'm not worth crying over." His hands cup my face. Tears stream down it._

_"Oh Cass I miss you so much! It hurts so much because I can't have you by my side," I sob. He holds me, and we stay like that. He gives me a kiss before saying:_

_"I'm watching over you. Always. I will love you for eternity, my Stardust."_

I awaken with a start. Chirrut is already sitting up.

"Jyn. You saw him. I felt it." He walks over to the side of my bed, and sits down. I explained what he looked like and what he said and was in tears when I told him how Cassian said he was watching over me. I cried into his arms again, and fell asleep within twenty minutes.

The next morning I awaken from a dreamless sleep. The Guardians have woken up and Baze was in the refresher.

"Good morning Jyn. How did you sleep," Chirrut asks.

"I slept well. Except for when I woke up last night but you know that," I say. He smiles at me. As soon as Baze finished getting changed they tell me to meet them in the mess hall. I go and look in the mirror. I look even worse. My eyes are bloodshot and makeup from a long time ago was still staining my face. I decide to finally wash myself and meet the men in the mess hall.

When I arrive, people are pointing and whispering again.

"What did I tell you about talking shit about her," Bodhi's voice boomed again. If this was what was going to happen everyday then I was better off starving in the room. I realize that I'm actually really hungry for once. I actually get food instead of just a cup of caf like yesterday and sit down. Leia enters the hall, bickering with Captain Solo like always. "I see make-up sex in their future," Luke cringes. They all laugh, except for me.

"You okay?" Bodhi softly touches my arm but I pull away.

"How can I be okay! One of the people that mattered the most to me died and all I'm doing is wallowing in self-pity and being a useless waste of space! They're proving it. I'm so pathetic I didn't even get out of my fucking room for three fucking weeks," I cry out. Everything goes silent. Even the Princess and Solo stop fighting for a second. I run out of the hall, back into my room.

"Oh there you go again. Being too pathetic to even face anyone," a voice in my head teases.

"Am not. They're just being a bunch of assholes. No better than Stormtroopers," I defend myself.

"What happened to strong, independent Jyn Erso, who never needed anyone," the voice taunts.

"It's still me," I argue.

"No it's not. You're sad, pathetic Jyn, who can't do anything but cry and drive those who do care about her away."

 "LEAVE ME ALONE," I cry out loud. Bodhi comes into the room. Oh, stupid me, I forgot to close the door.

"Jyn? I'm sorry. Do you need to talk? If you don't want to that's okay. I brought your food," he pushes the tray on to the bedside table. I collapse onto him and cry.

"Weak."

"Pathetic."

"Attention whore."

"Useless." The voices screamed in my head as I clung onto Bodhi. He stood still and rubbed my back, the way Cassian used to. I cry until I have nothing left but hiccuping sobs.

"Jyn you have to eat. You look so... pale."

"I'm always pale you idiot," I deadpan. He chuckles.

"Okay so you're always pale but I can see your ribs," he says seriously. He's right. I can see the lines through my shirt.

"Fine," I mumble. I gratefully eat my breakfast in silence.

"Hey you alright?" Luke entered the room and stood by the bed. I'm getting really annoyed with that question but I know he's genuinely concerned.

"I'm better now. Thanks," I say.

"I've gotta go. Promise you're alright on your own?" Bodhi asks. I think about it. When I'm alone, the voices attack me. They insult me. They make me feel like a useless pile of skin and bones.

"No. But I'm sure Baze and Chirrut wouldn't mind me following them," I get up and bid them farewell. I follow them out the door and head towards where the Guardians usually are found.

I run into Draven in the hall, and I'm surprised when he asks:

"How are you coping Ms. Erso?"

"I'm going to be truthful, not all that well. And you?" My voice is cracking. I can't let myself be weak in front of him.

"Well if we're telling the truth, I've made no progress at all. Cassian," the sound of his name made my heart drop to my stomach and a lump appear in my throat, "was like a son to me. He was more than an agent. He was family." Draven's voice was filled with sadness.

"I hope you get better," is all I can whisper to him.

"You too Jyn," he says. He leaves and when he turns the corner I can hear a muffled cry. I keep walking to the training room, where Chirrut and Baze help new recruits learn how to fight.

"Little sister," Baze pipes up. He walks over to me.

"Maybe watching Chirrut wipe the floor with this kid's ass will distract you," he smiled broadly. I offer a weak smile of my own. I spend the day watching the Guardians take turns fighting the recruits. They're right. It sort of distracts me. Until I receive a call later that night.

_"Jyn Erso we need you in the medical ward. Your friend's condition is serious."_

_I run through the silent halls in one of Cassian's old, oversized shirts and a pair of old leggings, wondering who it was this time. When I reach it, Luke is looking at the ground with a grave look._

_"Luke what happened!" I'm panicking. I can't breathe. It feels like I'm drowning._

_"He...he overdosed on anti-depressants," he whispers. No. No, no, no. No! Why didn't I question him about it? Why didn't I watch him? I could have stopped this!_

_"We have good news Lt. Skywalker and Sgt. Erso. He will make it out alright. It was a close call. Now does anyone know when he got the anti-depressents?" A medical droid asks._

_"I went with him to refill the prescription yesterday. But I didn't know if it was on doctor's orders. I assumed..."_

_"Almost the whole bottle was gone." I felt numb. Almost a whole bottle!_

_"You are very lucky that he didn't consume the whole thing, or else he would have died." Luke made a strangled-type of sound._

_"What will happen to him?" He finds the courage to ask._

_"We need one of you to watch over him so it doesn't happen again. Someone to administer the dosage. We need you to know that in his mental state, he cannot think clearly about the consequences of misusing drugs," the droid explained._

_"Luke maybe you should do it. I'm certainly in no mind to do it. I wouldn't be fit to watch him. I can't even take care of myself," I said truthfully. Luke nods his head._

_"I'll be the one responsible for him," he tells the droid._

_"Just read and sign the bottom of this paper. It tells you your responsibility over Lt. Rook and what will happen should anything happen to him," the droid handed him a sheet of paper. Luke read over it slowly and signed it. He gave the droid the paper and when it was satisfied we were allowed to see Bodhi._

_"L-Luke? Jyn?" he asked, confused._

_"Bodhi. Why? Why did you do it?" Luke asked, pain evident in his voice._

_"They weren't working. They wouldn't get rid of the thoughts. And it didn't help with the pain. I kept taking one after the other to try to feel okay. To be strong for us," he whispered, tears glinting in the fluorescent lighting. "I'm sorry," he sobbed._

_"Bodhi it's not your fault. We should have helped you." The lump came back in my throat._

_"No why was I so stupid! I hurt you even more I'm sorry!" he cried. We silently cried until visiting hours were over. Before I left, I turned to him and said:_

_"It's not your fault. You help me so much. I want to do the same for you."_

The next morning I wake up with a headache. What time is it? Seven-thirty in the morning? I didn't go to sleep until after two last night because of what happened to Bodhi. I see the Guardians again at the mess hall and explain what happened, careful not to let anyone else hear. We ate breakfast in silence and then I retreated to my room.

"Jyn, I need a word with you." Mon Mothma knocked on my door.

"One moment please." I walk over to the door and see her waiting.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. Sit if you please," I welcomed her.

"Oh don't worry I won't be long. I understand that the death of Captain Cassian Andor has affected you," she gets right to the point.

"Yes m'am I won't lie it has. But I'm getting better," I try to promise, but in reality I've seen no progress.

"Jyn we think it's best if you and the rest of Rogue One go on a paid leave. It appears that it's affected both you and Lt.Rook greatly," she finishes.

"You don't have to pay us Mon Mothma really. Maybe getting out would be a good idea. You could also give me a field assignment. Whatever I am most useful doing." I'm trying hard not to crack under her calm stare.

"Very well. If you'd like a field assignment, there will be one next week to the planet of Takodana. Lt. Skywalker will be going, seeing as he is now supervising Lt. Rook. I think sending you three on that mission will do you some good. We are also sending the Guardians for backup." She turns to leave, but before she does she pulls me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Jyn," she whispers. She pulls away and walks out.

The next week, I'm preparing for the mission with Luke and Bodhi. Baze and Chirrut are coming as well but are only bringing the weapons they have on them.

"Jyn are you sure you want to go out on this mission?" Luke asks uneasily.

"Of course. Takodana would be a nice change of scenery," I say, trying to convince him. He sighs before announcing that we are good to go.

We land on the green planet two days later. It reminds me so much of Lah'mu.

"We are meeting Maz Kanata in her castle. She has information on some Imperial prisons on both this planet and the ones surrounding it. She has information on which prison Cassian was in before they... you know. We will split up and search for her," Luke explained. I nod, along with everyone else. Should we decide to stay on the planet, we will sleep inside of the ship and hope that locals don't find us. This planet was known for its pirates and smugglers. Han Solo would feel right at home here.

"Baze and Chirrut, you go with Jyn and look around for Maz. Me and Bodhi will search over here," he points over to the opposite side of the bar. "I'll comm you if I find her got it," he asked. We all nodded and went off to find her.

"Hello. We are looking for a Maz Kanata," I asked a man. He was quite drunk and maybe even high.

"What a lovely lady. Fuck me," he slurred. Baze hurried off with me and the man growled.

"How about we don't ask people under the influence," Baze growled.

"Okay," I agreed.

"Wait over there! Maybe that's her," Chirrut pointed to a small alien creature. 

"Hello. Are you Maz Kanata," I asked.

"Yes. And who are you," She asked in return.

"Stardust," I say. That was the alias I was using. While most of the people here were tripping balls, there still could be someone who recognized me.

"Where is Skywalker," she asked, recognizing the group's missing members. We were meeting her under me and Luke's alias. 

"I'll comm him. One second please." I contacted Luke and told him where we were. It took them fifteen minutes to weave through the crowd.

"Let's go somewhere else to talk." She lead us to a room in the back.

"There are two Imperial prisons on Takodana, three on Endor, and one on the planet of Rattatak," she said. "Your friend Cassian Andor, was held first on Endor before being transferred to Rattatak, where they are known for their vicious torture methods." My breath caught in my throat. She gave us more information on security, people that they held, and other things that might be deemed necessary. "There are still rebels being held there, along with ones being transported there. I suggest destroying it or at least attacking the facility to prevent further deaths. Young one, what is your name? And I mean your real name."She turned to me.

"Jyn Erso," I say quietly.

"I sense a disturbance in the Force around you. This Cassian, was he close to you?" Her small eyes searched mine for an answer.

"Yes. Very close," I can feel tears welling up in my eyes again. Damn it this is a mission I can't cry!

"His death must have affected you a lot to take this toll on your health. Something tells me that before this, you were getting along well." She continues staring at me, and the urge to cry only gets stronger.

"Yes it has. But I'm trying to get better," I lie. That's what I've told everyone. 

"You have great friends who will help you through this little one," she smiles. She takes my hand in her small one. 

"Yes I do. Thank you for helping us," I switch the conversation before we can go any further. 

"So what should we do," Luke asks from his place in the corner.

"I suggest leading an attack, or at the very least a prison break. More and more rebel soldiers are being captured and tortured for information. If you don't do something soon, the Empire will find out where you are stationed, or take out all of your troops," she says solemnly. 

"We will talk with the council about that," I say. After our meeting, we go back to the main room in the castle. 

"Hey Jyn care for a drink," Bodhi asks.

"Not really. I'm not a drinker. I've only drinken alcohol twice before," I reply.

_The Death Star had just been destroyed, and Cassian came back to the common room with a bottle of amber liquid._

_"Cassian you know we don't drink," I tell him._

_"It'll loosen us up. We're supposed to be celebrating. Drunks have the most fun." He poured himself a small glass. "Really strong. Don't drink too much." He slid some small glasses towards me and Bodhi._

_Twelve shots later me and Cassian are stumbling over each other, attempting to dance. Bodhi is already passed out, and Chirrut and Baze were talking with others at the celebration._

_"Let's go back to," he hiccups, "my room."_

_"Okay," I weakly smile. We lean on each other, like we did on Scarif._

_"I love you Cass," I slur._

_"Really? I've loved you for a long time." He stretches out "long" to emphasize how long._

_"Since when?"_

_"Jedha. I saw something about you that just attracted me," he said truthfully. We finally make it to the door of his room and he's trying to enter._

_"Fuck," he curses quietly. The door finally opens and before I can even figure out what's happening, our clothes are off and we are kissing passionately._

_"Do you think someone will catch us," I gasp. I pull away to catch my breath._

_"Does it matter if they do? To them it's not a big secret," he smirks, sweat rolling down his forehead._

_"They think that we... Cassian we haven't even done it before now." I wonder about what other rumors are being spread about us._

_"Yeah but I'm glad we finally got around to it," he smiles. Then we fall asleep._

"Come on. It'll loosen you up." He offers me a glass of the amber liquid. I take a sip. It tastes better than the last time I drank. Me and Bodhi down glass after glass until we can't stand upright anymore.

"Jyn what are you doing," Baze exclaims when I stumbled out of my seat.

"Getting up you silly wompa," I slur. I grip the back of the chair I was sitting on and haul myself up.

"We need to get you and the pilot to the ship now," he sternly orders.

"But Baaaazze," I whined.

"No buts. Come on let me help you." He outstretched his arm for me to hold onto.

"No! I can," I hiccup, "take care of myself." 

"You clearly can't. Jyn you're drinking yourself away," he sighed sadly. He sounds tired.

"Baze this is how I get better!" I try to push him away but end up knocking myself over.

"No little sister this isn't how you get better! You're getting worse!" His voice is strained.

"Come Bodhi. Come on let's go," Luke sighs and has to help the pilot stand up. It reminds me of when me and Cassian escaped Scarif. I burst into loud tears.

"Come little sister. Come on back to the ship. Don't make me carry you," he says softly. But I don't care. I cry and Chirrut and Baze have to lift me up and walk me out of the castle. When we are outside, I am barely calm enough to speak.

"I miss him so much," I wail.

"Shh shh Jyn. It's okay," Chirrut whispers. I'm not okay. Everything is spinning and I can't breathe. I need him. He has to take me home. But he can't. He's gone.

"Why did they have to kill him," I sob.

"Because they are cold, heartless, bastards." Baze's grip on me tightens, but I feel like I'm falling.

"Don't drop me," I whisper.

"We won't. We aren't going to let you fall."

_That night Cassian visits me in my dreams._

_"Jyn? Jyn? Jyn answer me please," he pleads sadly._

_"Cass? Cassian is that you," I call out, confused from the events of last night._

_"Jyn. Why are you drinking yourself away?" His eyes shine with sadness._

_"Because I miss you so much!" I run into his arms and cry. His hands rub circles on my back._

_"Jyn I hate to see you in so much pain." A single tear slides down his cheek and lands on mine._

_"Your tears are mine Stardust."_

 

I wake up, startled. I don't realize that I'm gasping for air until Chirrut is instructing me to calm down.

"In. Out. In. Out. You're okay Jyn just calm down." His voice is soft and soothing. "What did he say?" His warm hand rests on mine.

"He... he was sad to see that I was drinking my sorrows away," I sigh. "I'm sorry. I was so stupid last night. But my head is killing me," I exclaim.

"Welcome to hangovers little sister," Baze chuckled, in a better mood than last night.

"How's Bodhi," I ask.

"He's looking a little green around the gills. He's not supposed to drink alcohol while on the medication," Baze said.

"Okay. We're all decent if not good. I'm guessing that you're not going to let us go back to the castle," I ask.

"No more drinking for you two, but we are going to go back to the castle to say goodbye to Maz and thank her. Then we are going back to the base," he says. We freshened up and go inside to find Maz.

"Hello! I see that you guys are experiencing a hangover," she chuckles and points to me and Bodhi.

"Never again," he exclaimed.

"We're just here to say goodbye and thank you for meeting us," I told the small woman.

"No thank you for coming by." She offers a sincere smile. "May the Force be with you," she waved at us as we said our goodbyes. Then we left the castle, boarded the ship, and lifted off.

"I can't believe that she's the owner of this castle. She is so small," Bodhi smiled.

"You doing okay?" Luke came by with some glasses of water. He gave one to each of us. "Bodhi." He got his attention and gave him his medicine.

"Listen I am so sorry for being so stupid last night and drinking with Bodhi. I should have stopped him, but I gave in," I apologize.

"It's fine. I admit that we should have been watching you. Alcohol isn't going to help you cope," his voice softens.

"But we paid the price. My head feels like a bantha stomped on it," Bodhi laughs lightheartedly.

"Yeah," I agree quietly. We spend most of the time aboard the ship sleeping, waiting to reach our base. We are greeted by Princess Leia and Han Solo.

"I see you made it back alright," she greets us. "Luke I need a moment with you." She drags him away and Han looks jealously at them.

"Calm down Solo he's not going to take your girl. I think he's interested in someone else," I reassure him.

"Who," He asks with curiosity.

"Isn't it obvious? Don't you see how much time he spends with Bodhi," I whisper.

"Ohh. Well that's makes me feel sort of better," he sighs.

"We have a meeting later today," the Princess informs us.

"Yes m'am," I nod.

"Leia. Just Leia. None of this 'm'am' or 'Princess' shit," she corrects.

"Yes Leia."

I walk back to my room. I find Cassian's jacket and slide it around my shoulders. I sigh and let myself mourn. It hurts so much to be without him. I see a letter peeking out from behind his pillow. That wasn't there before.

It's his familiar, neat handwriting.

**Dear Jyn,**

**My Stardust, Mi Amor, my Jyn. If you are reading this, that means that I didn't come back from a mission. I understand that you must hurt so much. If I could come back to you one more time, I would. I wish I could have had a future with you. I wish that I could have been strong enough. I've been living on borrowed time Mi Amor. I love you. Take care of the others for me. If Kaytoo was still around, I would have asked him to take care of you. Be strong. I'll see you when it's time.**

**Love, Cassian.**

I remember the day that K-2SO died. It was one of the worst days of my life.

_"Kay? Kaytoo? Speak to me," he demanded._

_"Cassian there was a 98% chance I wouldn't make it. I knew it. But by sacrificing myself, your odds just increased by 25%," and then the droid shut off. We had to keep running, but I couldn't help feeling guilty for not even giving his body a proper burial._

_"Cass? Are you okay," I asked him that night in the safety of a rented room._

_"I'll be alright. But he sacrificed himself for me Jyn. I can't believe I let him die." He turned to face me from the other bed, his eyes bloodshot and red, tears streaming down them. I got up and sat at the edge of his bed, taking his hand in mine._

_"It's okay to cry Cass. It's good for you," I whisper. We embrace and he cries into my shoulder. We fell asleep on his bed._

"It's okay to cry. It's good for you," I repeat to myself what I said to Cassian so long ago. Before we moved our base to Hoth. Before his death. Then someone knocked on the door.

"Come in."

"Hey Jyn. Oh now doesn't look like a good time." Bodhi came in. I completely forgot that I was crying. I was too absorbed in my thoughts.

"No it's fine. No time is ever a bad time." I let him sit on the bed.

"I need advice. I.. I think I'm... I'm in love... with Luke," he stumbles. I smile.

"Well it's about time you realized that! I mean come on you spend almost all of your time with him!" I playfully hit him. I'm happy that he found the one. 

"Should I tell him? I don't want to make things awkward. But I really like him." He gets up and paces around the room.

"Of course. As soon as possible. Because one day, it might be too late. You might leave too many things unsaid. You might run out of time. Go to him. While you still have a chance," I croak. Tears blur my vision and threaten to spill. He pulls me into a hug.

"Oh Jyn. Thank you. I'm here for you too." I openly cry and he rocks me back and forth. We stay like that for a while.

"I'm good now. Thank you. Now go," I tell him after half an hour.

"I'm tell you what happens when I return," he promises. I nod, motioning him to go. He runs down the hall to find his love while I bury my face in a pillow. I'm called to the meeting an hour later.

"So with what our informant has told us, Captain Andor was captured and sent to an Imperial prison on Endor, before being transported to Rattatak, where he was tortured and killed," Mon Mothma summarized what we learned.

"Yes," we agree and nod. I feel my heart drop to my stomach. I can't believe this is real. How are they so casually talking about his death?

"So what is our next course of action," she asks.

"We should do an attack on the prison, or at least try to break a few of them out," Baze says from the other side of the room. I hear a few sounds of agreement.

"I think that we should go in three weeks. We will take the time between now and then to discuss our further course of action. If the Millenium Falcon is still standing by that time, I'll volunteer it along with myself, Luke, and Han. And if Rogue One is okay with it, you will come along as well," Leia says. She looks at me, and I know she's waiting for my answer.

"Well I personally will go but I don't know about the rest of the crew. But I'll do it," I assure her.

"Yeah count me in," Bodhi nearly yelled.

"Me and Baze will join too," Chirrut announces.

"Then it's set. You are free to go now," Mon Mothma dismisses us.

The next day, Bodhi finds me in the mess hall.

"Have you heard," he asks.

"Heard what?"

"Luke went missing. He was out on patrol this morning and disappeared. But I want to thank you as well. I told him my feelings and it turns out that he likes me too. I'm so glad I told him before... well you know. Nothing was left unsaid," he said softly.

"Oh Bodhi." I try to comfort him. "Hold on you need your medication. Lead me to your quarters." I get up and follow him to his room. "Here," I hand him the pill and he swallows it with a glass of water. Then we leave the room and wander around base for a while.

"Hey guys I'll comm you if I find him." Han was heading out in a large jacket. We both knew who he was talking about.

"Stay safe," I call out. Later that night we get a message.

"I found the kid lying in the snow," Bodhi whimpers, "I'm building a shelter. We should be back tomorrow morning," Han informed us.

"Okay do you want me to tell Leia," I ask.

"Yeah that'd be great thank you. I gotta go now it's cold as fuck out here," he says. Bodhi comes with me and we find Leia crying in the hall.

"Leia! Leia! Han found him! They're okay. He said that they would be back by tomorrow morning." I attempt to comfort her.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to lose the two people that matter most to me. I can't lose Han or Luke. Luke is like a brother to me and Han... I love him. I don't want to lose him," she sobs. Then gasps. "Oh Force I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..." she stumbles.

"It's fine you didn't mean it. But don't worry. It's okay. They'll make it out alright." That was a partial lie. Luke had to be put into a bacta tank to treat his injuries. Bodhi would visit him everyday. However, soon after Luke was released, the Empire found our base and attacked. In a hurry, I only take my most valued possessions: Cassian's jacket, my kyber crystal necklace, the note he left me, a holo image of the Rogue One crew, and Cassian's blaster. I run and try desperately to find Luke and Bodhi, who shared a room now. I'm told that they escaped in Luke's X-Wing. I don't know where the Guardians are either. I haven't seen them much since the incident on Takodana. I call for them and people push me forward.

"Come on move it," someone yells.

"Do you want to die," another person screams.

"Maybe I do! What's the point of living when you have to be alone!" Tears stream down my face as I frantically look for them. I run the opposite direction of the crowd. My heart is beating wildly in my chest in anxiety.

"Baze! Chirrut! Please be okay!" I cry as I furiously pound on their door. It slides open and they run out. A rush of relief rushes over me and I run after them.

"Jyn what were you doing," Baze asked when I caught up with them.

"I didn't want to leave you," I exclaim.

"Jyn, we are two old men who have already lived their lives. You, on the other hand, are young and full of life." Chirrut puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

"But what would I live for if you guys are gone? The only other person I could live for is Bodhi, and if you guys are gone I would have lost my strength to do so! Can't you see? Cassian was my life! He was my reason for waking up in the morning and he's gone," I shout, tears making their way down my cheeks.

"Little sister. We won't leave you. We will try to stick around for as long as possible," Baze whispers. I nod and wipe the tears. We board a ship and fly away from the snowy planet. I leave behind memories with Cassian. I leave behind my old life. I look at Chirrut and Baze. I realize how they have taken me under their wing after Scarif. They stuck around. For me. And I was ungrateful enough to push them to the side. When Cassian died I didn't let anyone in for three weeks. And when I they tried to help me, I was stupid and went off drinking. Sure it was only one night but just one night can change a lot of things. The pain I've put them through, all because I was too stubborn to let go of Cassian.

"Weak."

"Ungrateful bitch."

"Maybe if you stayed down there you wouldn't be a burden."

"Attention whore."

"Pathetic."

"Stop," I scream at the voices.

"Oh is she gonna cry. Same old Jyn."

"Cry baby."

"Just kill yourself."

"Go join him."

"Yeah just slit your wrists already."

"No," I cry.

"Do it."

"Cassian's blaster."

"That dagger in your pocket."

"Do it. No one needs you anyways."

"Please leave me alone," I tell the voices. I don't realize that tears stream down my face until Baze wipes them away.

"Little sister. What's wrong?" He's gentle. Looking at his exterior, at the things he's done, you couldn't tell that he cared so much.

"Voices. They're taunting me. They won't leave me alone. They tell me to kill myself. They tell me I'm worthless. I'm sorry," I sob into his chest.

"Cyanide. The easy way out, quick and easy," a voice tried to convince me. And it did. They've won. My fingers inch towards the breast pocket of Cassian's jacket. Inside of it are some cyanide pills. Just in case we ever got captured. They weren't in his other jacket. If they were then he wouldn't have suffered as much. I swallow them and let Baze soothe me while I cry. I can't go on longer. I wasn't strong enough.

"I'm sorry." I whispered weakly. And then everything went dark.  


	2. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baze, Bodhi, and Chirrut try to cope with Jyn's death with help from friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still trying to figure out where this story lies in the canon timeline. I'm trying to make it fit in between Empire Strikes Back and Return of The Jedi but I don't know the time between the battles and travel between planets. If there is a flaw of some sort in the storyline, please don't hesitate to comment!

_**"I know you're gonna keep on haunting me"** _

**Baze's POV**

"Little sister? Little sister? Oh Force little sister please wake up. Jyn? Jyn!" I shook her, panic rising in my chest. She was deathly still. No rise and fall of her chest. Not a single tear.

"Chirrut! Chirrut! Damn it someone help me! She's not breathing," I shout. People rush over and attempt to help. Finally a medical droid on board comes over to examine her.

"She committed suicide," the droid ruled out.

"How," I demand. I hold her in my arms. No. She can't be gone. That couldn't have happened. She's just sleeping. She looks so peaceful. There's a small smile on her face. _She's just sleeping, she's just..._

"These," the droid holds out a few small, purple pills. The ones we were supposed to use when we got captured by the Empire. Cyanide. No. She couldn't have. Where did she get those? Why didn't I watch her? I'm paralyzed with grief. How can our little sister be gone?

_She looks so peaceful. Like she's only sleeping. She is dressed in a nice, white gown. Hair down to her shoulders, soft and curled. She has a small smile on her face. We held a small, onboard funeral. This time only myself, Chirrut, Mon Mothma, and Draven attend. Bodhi will be devastated when he comes back. If he comes back. I knew that the pilot and Jyn were like brother and sister. Chirrut, through shining curtains of tears, tells me that she no longer suffers. She's with the captain. If only it didn't cause pain to us._

**Luke's POV**

I feel uneasy. I feel anxious. There's been a disturbance in the Force.

"Careful, you must be. Or crush your friend, you will," Master Yoda instructed. I tried to focus hard on keeping the rock afloat. Then I saw a flash of something. A vision. I startle myself and it hits me: The rock, and the fact that I don't know what happened to the others. I saw the Falcon leaving Hoth, but I don't know where Jyn or the older men are.

"What happened," Bodhi asked. He helped me up.

"I saw something. I think it was a vision," I say.

"Of what?"

"I don't know it was just I glimpse but I think something bad happened."

"With me, you must come." Yoda led us to his small hut. "Close your eyes. Clear your mind, you must." I do as told and see something.

_Jyn is laying on what seems to be a makeshift coffin. There are only four chairs in the room. Chirrut and Baze embrace while they cry, Draven stares at the coffin, before sighing and leaving the room. And Mon Mothma gazed sadly at the scene through teary eyes. I focus on Jyn. Her hair is down, laying softly on her shoulders. She is wearing a simple white dress and a small smile. Jyn's dead._

"What did you see?"

"I saw... Bodhi I'm so sorry," I whisper.

"Why? What happened?" His eyes are wide with fear.

"She was laying on what looked like a makeshift coffin. There were four people in the room. Mothma, Draven, and Chirrut and Baze. She was wearing a white dress and her hair is down. She is also smiling. She looks peaceful. I thought she could have been sleeping but she wasn't moving. Bodhi I'm so sorry." I didn't actually say her name but he knows who I'm talking about. I see a mixture of confusion and sadness on his face. No not sadness, total devastation.

"If a moment you need, leave I will." Yoda walked out of his hut. Then Bodhi lets out a pained cry and I hold him close.

"J-Jyn was l-like a sister to m-me! I lost my s-sister," Bodhi choked out.

"She is one with the Force and the Force is with her. She is one with the Force and the Force is with her..." I repeat as he sobs into my shoulder. "She's with him now. Don't cry please. It's going to be okay." Or is it?

**Chirrut's POV**

I hate seeing Baze in so much pain. Well I can't actually _see_ him, but I can _feel_ him. And feeling his pain is enough to bring me to tears all over again. That's all we ever did these days, cry. I realized that over the course of the month since Jyn had lost Cassian, she spent most of her time crying. Maybe we should have taken it as a sign that her time was coming soon. I recall her last words. She had barely whispered them, and I was across from Baze. I felt a shift in the Force, and knew that she was gone. But I thought that the Force was failing me, playing tricks on me. I was in denial. Not until Baze started yelling for help did I realize that she really was gone.

"Baze are you okay? Do you want to talk," I ask him.

"No there isn't anything to talk about," he snapped.

"Baze you're fading. You aren't going to get better if you keep it all bottled up," I try to convince him.

"How is it so easy for you to talk about her when she's gone," he snarled. I've never seen him like this, well not actually see him, but I mean I've never heard him like this. Except for when we almost died on Scarif.

_I lay in the sand, and feel my blood trickle down my body, the metallic taste in my mouth. I turn my head slightly to hear him taking out Stormtroopers in a murderous rage. Their bodies fall to the ground, armor clanking against itself. I muster whatever strength I have left and sit up slightly to feel and hear a bomb blow up right in front of him. I'm too weak to scream or cry. I just sit there, numb. I lay back down and pretend to be dead while the fight ensues. I lay there for what seems like eternity before I feel him stir from his place. I use my staff and get up, limping towards him. Then he guides me to the ship where we find Bodhi Rook, the young defector pilot, unconscious on the floor._

"It will help us heal," I whisper as I stroke his hair.

"Chirrut please I don't," he sighs, "I don't want to talk about her. It's too much."

"Okay but when the time comes we will work this out." I place a kiss on his forehead and walk towards what I hope is the mess hall.

**Leia's POV**

"Chewie what the hell am I supposed to say? I didn't even know the girl," Han yells at his co-pilot. He mumbles a string of growls and whines that I recognize as: "Say sorry before she snaps your neck."

"Fine I'm going, I'm going, yeesh. Hairball," Han mutters under his breath. He walks up to the door of the quarters we share and knocks. "Leia baby I'm sorry please forgive me! I didn't know how close you were to this girl. I didn't think you were very outgoing." I cry even harder into the pillow that I'm clutching to my chest. "Babe let me in." Han sounds desperate now. But I'm desperate as well so I let him in.

"What the hell do you want now you insensitive bastard," I scowl through the tears.

"Baby I'm sorry I didn't mean I..."

"Oh sure you didn't," I humorlessly laugh.

"Babe listen I'm sorry okay. What I said was stupid. It's because I didn't even know her personally like you. Describe her to me. Tell me why she matters so much to you," he whispers in my ear. I sniffle.

"It might have seemed like she only cared about herself, but she really cared too much about everyone..."

_"Hey Leia do you have a moment?"_

_"Yeah sure. None of the seats are taken here and no one else is up. What's going on?"_

_"Cassian is taking Kay's death really badly. What do I do?" She looks at me from across the table with those green eyes, slightly red with small bags hanging underneath. She looks much older when she is like this, tired and miserable. It would have been hard to believe that she was only twenty-one._

_"Worried about him," I ask. If we weren't talking about loss I would be smirking. They should just get together already. But this is a rebellion we are talking about. Getting attached is what gets you killed in our line of work._

_"Wh-what? Uh... n-no we... we're just friends that's all," she stumbles, cheeks turning a bright pink._

_"Talk to him about it. Different people have different ways to cope. Just don't let him take the bad path. I had a friend back on... she relied on spices to cope with the death of her brother. She eventually died a couple of months later." I recalled Myla. She went crazy after her brother Tym died in a firefight._

_"I don't think those are legally allowed in the Alliance," she said nervously._

_"They aren't but you'd be surprised by the amount of people who have some in their possession. Mostly younger recruits. But don't worry just talk it out with him and help him through this. I can see past your skin Erso. I can see that you clearly care." I put a hand on her shoulder._

_"Thanks. If you need help keeping the boys in line you can call on me." She gets up to leave and find Cassian._

"Well she sounds like a good person. I'm sorry I misjudged your reaction babe." He moves forward on the bunk we are sitting on and our lips meet. I realize that I've wanted this for so long. I wanted him. Grief can wait. I have to appreciate what I have now.

**Baze's POV**

_We are back on Scarif. I look around at the scene around me. Chirrut is laying motionlessly on the ground, his blood turning the white sand into a dark scarlet. I turn away, and instead of being greeted with a friendlier sight, I see Bodhi Rook's dead body, burnt, on the ground in front of our wrecked ship. I turn to go and find Chirrut but now I'm looking at Jyn and the captain._

_"Your father would have been proud," he says quietly. She smiles at him with tears in her eyes. They stand up and embrace, staring at the impending doom on the horizon._

_"Nooo," I yell. I try to move but I can't get out of my spot. I eventually sink to the ground and cry as all the people that I've grown to love die. I scream for them and weep into the blood stained ground, stained by far too many good men. I watch as they disappear into the shockwave, engulfed in light._

_"Stardust," Cassian's voice rumbles._

"Breathe Baze breathe," Chirrut says softly. I take deep breaths and let him soothe me.

"Baze, do you want to talk about it," he asks.

"I think that I'm ready to talk. Yeah," I search for his pale blue eyes in the darkness, to make sure he was still here. "We were back on Scarif. But it wasn't the same. You were dead... sand turned red with the blood of good men. Then I looked around for the pilot, Bodhi. He was dead too, body burnt black. And then I saw little sister... she held on to the captain. They held each other in the beach while the Death Stat fired on us. All I could do was cry. I couldn't stop any of it. And I only heard blaster fire and his voice. Cassian's voice. He said two things: 'Your father would have been proud,' and 'Stardust.' Then I woke up."

"Only his voice? Baze he was reaching out to you through the Force," Chirrut sighs.

"Well what about you? Have you dreamed of them?"

"Yes. I saw her, actually saw her. She is beautiful. I'm sad that I only got to see her after she died. She has these beautiful green eyes and a wonderful smile. She was happy. She was with him. And the Force. Cassian isn't too bad either. They would have been good for each other," he smiles as he explains little sister's smile. He's right. Whenever she was around Cassian, she glowed like a star. _Stardust_. The name bounces around my head. It was fitting.

**Luke's POV**

Master Yoda lets me take a break from training for a while the next day. I find Bodhi sitting alone in a tree.

"Bodhi? You okay?"

"I'm _fine_ ," he insists. I climb up and join him.

"Bodhi you're not okay admit it. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel. Keeping it in will make you feel worse." I take his hand in mine and we just stare out at the scene before us, which to be honest wasn't that much of a scene but it will do.

"Luke. I want to ask you something."

"Sure go ahead," I answered.

"C-can I uhh... kiss you," he stuttered. I chuckle.

"Anytime." Our lips collide for the first time and I enjoy it. He's soft and gentle, not using too much teeth but not being shy about it either. The tension between us grows heated. He's about to take off his shirt before I remember that we are in a tree.

"Hold on at least let us get down first," I breathe. We laugh and climb down. When we settle we continue where we left off, ditching our clothes in the process.

"Dark, it is getting. Put on your clothes, you should," Yoda appears next to us, gazing down at our tangle of limbs. We blush furiously and scramble to find our pants. Yoda chuckles and walks back to the hut.

**Chirrut's POV**

"Can you believe it? I mean why didn't we see it earlier? When she shouted that in the hall I mean COME ON! We could have helped her," one of the younger recruits, a young girl, was sobbing into the shoulder of a man next to her. I could hear it.

"Yeah why did we ever say that? I can't help but feel guilty."

"What's wrong young ones?" I decided to finally pitch in on this conversation.

"Oh Master Îmwe! We could have saved her! I'm so sorry," the girl wailed.

"Young one, it isn't your fault. She doesn't suffer anymore. She's with the one she loves. I understand that this hurts but you'll get better. No one could have guessed what happened. Young ones don't cry," I attempt to console the young ones. I can't see them, but I know that they are all crying.

"Chirrut? What's going on?" Baze walks into the mess hall.

"Grieving," I simply state. He sighs.

"Little sister?" Silence fills the space between us.

"Yeah. They think they could have helped her, but we know that nothing we did could have stopped her," I touch his shoulder lightly, and he flinched.

"No little sister don't say that," he suddenly says," no please don't little sister..."

"Baze." He's staring at something distant now. He's reliving the moment she died.

"Little sister I could have stopped her!"

"Baze listen to me it was going to happen anyways please don't tear yourself apart."

"How do I _not_ tear myself apart! She was in my arms Chirrut! She was _right_ there! I could have paid closer attention to..."

"Baze please calm down..."

"No no no no NO!"

"Baze!"

"Little sister!" Our yells echoed throughout the silent mess hall. He turns around and walks away to our room. I try to follow him but my staff can only help so much. I stumble in the hall and lay there, waiting for someone to help me.

"Mister Îmwe? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine just... you know relaxing," I say nonchalantly.

"Here let me help you," Draven extends a hand out to me and helps me, "up. Now what happened? It's been half an hour since your friend there stormed out of the mess."

"Thank you Draven. He just got upset when they were talking about Jyn..." I trailed off, sensing him stiffen at the mention of her name.

"Oh. He must really be taking it hardly. It's guilt. He was next to her but he didn't know that's the jacket she had at the moment had the lullaby pills in it. But he has to know that he isn't at fault. He was so protective of her, and to know that she died in his arms must be killing him on the inside." Draven clears his throat and I can hear the sadness in his tone. "I'm sorry," he says as he runs the other direction. I heard him cry when he thought he was out of earshot. I leave him be and try to find Baze.

**Bodhi's POV**

My sister. She's really gone. Sure we weren't biologically related, but we were pretty damn close. We both shared bonds with Galen. We both went through hell and back before, during, and after Scarif. We had each other's backs when Cassian passed. But now she's gone. I can't believe it. Her witty remarks and her hopeful talk. Her overprotective and ambitious nature. I miss her so much.

"Bodhi? Is that you?"

"Uh... yeah I-it's me," I stutter, caught off guard. He enters the ship and sits next to me in the pilot's chair.

"Making the jump to hyperspace. Hold on," he says as he pulls a lever down. The ship jostles and we leave the green planet behind. I see the stars pass by in quick white streaks.

"You okay?"

"No I'm not Luke. I just can't believe it. How is she gone? How did it come to this? Oh Luke it hurts so much to be alone again. After my family was captured and killed by the Empire, I was alone. But after Scarif I finally felt like I had a family. Like I belonged. Now that Jyn, Cassian, and Kaytoo are gone, I feel so alone."

"You aren't alone. I'm here. I'll help you through this." He gives me a reassuring pat on the back.

_"Hey Bodhi I have a question?"_

_"Okay shoot."_

_"Did you know my father?"_

_"Yes. He sent me. In fact if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here. I'd still be working for the Empire. I would be as clueless as everyone else. They're just following orders. All of this Imperial propaganda is why they do the awful things they do. They think that they are helping the galaxy, when they are actually ruining it."_

_"Oh. I see. He was always a compassionate man. He was always one to help out. Sending you was risky, but he did it anyways," Jyn sighed._

_"I'm sorry about your father and well, everyone," I say quietly._

_"It's okay Bodhi. I know it was on Draven's orders. I know that he sent the Alliance bombs. I know that Cassian disobeyed orders... for me," the realization dawned on her, "do you think that Cassian..."_

_"Loves you? Oh hell yeah! Isn't it obvious? You two were meant to be! I mean come on the way you guys circle around each other. Tell him Jyn. You might just have a chance. We'll take the next chance..."_

_"And the next..."_

_"Until the chances are spent," we say together. Jyn giggles and pulled me into an embrace._

_"Thanks Bodhi. I'm going to go find him," and she dashes off to find Cassian._

"Hey Bodhi, what you thinkin?"

"I remember when Jyn first realized that the Captain had feelings for her. It took them so fucking long! Six months after Scarif. To be honest when we left Jedha I thought they were already a couple," I chuckle.

"Oh yeah I kept confronting Cassian about it and he was too paranoid about being rejected," Luke says.

"Well now we know what everyone else thought about us. How stupid are we," I laugh.

"I guess when it comes to emotions we aren't as smart as we think," Luke laughs with me. We laugh and joke about how we couldn't tell what love was if it hit us in the face. Then we fell asleep curled next to each other.

**Baze's POV**

I hear a knock on the door. Looks like Chirrut finally found his way back.

"Coming," I grumbled. I unlock the door and he falls into me.

"Whoops. Guess I _fell_ for you," he smiles cheekily. I can't help but smile.

"Ha ha so funny," I say sarcastically.

"Oh come on you're smiling I know it. I can feel it," he says as his hand finds it's way up my face.

"Okay fine I admit it now please stop touching my face," I say.

"What's the matter Baze? Why'd you run out on us like that," he asks, completely changing the subject.

"I... I just couldn't... talk about her. I miss our... little sister," I sob. He wraps me in his warm, comforting embrace and lets me grieve.

"Shh Baze. I know it hurts. Let it out. It's okay to cry. Shh," he rubs circles on my back while I let the tears fall. I can't believe I've let myself become this vulnerable. But I couldn't believe that Jyn and Cassian were gone either, and they are.

_"Baze you're just a big teddy bear don't deny it," Jyn wraps her arms around me, which is almost impossible considering her small figure and my big one._

_"Am not," I grumbled._

_"Yes you are Baze. I can see it in the way you melt around small children and Chirrut," Cassian argued._

_"Baze come on you're basically a big cuddly teddy bear with a gun," Bodhi says from his place under the ship, working on repairing it._

_"Chirrut tell these children that I am in no possible way a teddy bear," I turn to see him grinning madly._

_"I believe that the young ones are correct this time," he smiles._

_"Oh come on!"_

_"Baze you are the gentlest giant, next to Chewbacca, that I know. It's a good thing," Jyn said, still hanging on to me._

_"Why are we having this argument again," Bodhi asks._

_"Baze doesn't think that being cuddly is a compliment," Cassian chuckles._

_"We have the dumbest arguements," Jyn giggles. We all laugh at our conversation._

_"_ I'm a big teddy bear," I grumble.

"She was right. Cuddle with me," Chirrut looks up at me, even though I don't see the point of doing that, considering he can't see me.

"Okay but not a word to anyone else," I sigh.

"This is for me only, no way in hell am I sharing you," he smirks.

**Luke's POV**

As we travel to Bespin, I talk with Bodhi about how painfully long it took for Jyn and Cassian to get together and figured out that was how everyone else felt about us. Then we fell asleep.

I wake up curled next to Bodhi on the co-pilot's seat.

"Luke? Where are we?"

"Space."

"Where specifically everywhere is space!"

"I don't know but we're pretty close to Bespin smart ass," I chuckle. I hit him playfully.

"Ouch that stings," he fakes a look of pain.

"You look constipated don't do that face."

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding you're adorable," I said. We stare at each other for a long moment before leaning in to a kiss. His lips are warm and soft. Considering neither of us hace had many kisses before, our lips moved awkwardly and as a result I fell out of the chair. "Don't laugh at me help me!" He's clutching his sides and wipes tears from his eyes.

"We're bad at this," he chuckles. He gets out of the chair and helps me up. Then I go back to my seat.

"Okay sit tight and buckle up we'll be landing in thirty minutes," he says.

_"Come on Jyn it's so obvious that you guys fell for each other. Just ask him out already!"_

_"And where would 'out' be exactly," she asks with an amused face._

_"Just smash you pretty faces together already. Jyn there's already a two-hundred credit betting pool going around."_

_"What did you say? There's a WHAT? Who?"_

_"We are all betting twenty credits. It's me, Luke, Leia, Han, Chirrut, Baze, Chewbacca, C-3PO, Mothma and Draven." She chokes on her drink when I mention Mothma and Draven._

_"Draven? As in hates-me-with-a-passion-Draven? And Mothma? Oh shit. When did you think we were going to get together?"_

_"By the end of the week," I smile innocently._

_"Does Cassian know about this?"_

_"Yeah and he said: 'Maybe I'll hold off for a while. Maybe a month or two'."_

_"Let me guess: Chirrut thinks that we would be together by then?"_

_"Exactly. But forget about the betting Jyn. Think about it. What if you lose him one day? What if you never tell him and it goes unsaid? Please Jyn you two were meant for each other. I see the way that you smile around him. It's been six months," I sigh._

_"Okay. I'll do it. See you later," she waves. She gets up and walks out of the room._

"Remember when we won the bet," Luke asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah. Imagine what everyone else was thinking when they caught them making out in the mess hall," I laugh.

"Yeah they were practically sucking each other's faces off," he cringed.

"They knocked over a cup of blue milk before realizing that we were standing there the whole time," I chuckle.

"We're creepy," he smiles.

"Yeah. But we'd do anything for two-hundred credits."

**Chirrut's POV**

As I lay on our bed, Baze cleans his gun.

"Why did you call her little sister," I ask. That question has been burning in the back of my mind since Scarif.

"She reminds me of my own little sister. When we met her I felt the obligation to protect her. She had this personality... she just made me feel like protecting her at all costs, like I would for my sister. But unlike my real sister, I could have saved her," he says.

"It's not your fault. How could we have known that the suicide pills were in that jacket?"

"I should have felt it when she stopped breathing. I thought she fell asleep. I thought that she calmed down. She was so peaceful I didn't want to wake her. I didn't know..."

"Baze we all know how quick those pills work. One will make a soldier drop dead within ten minutes. She took multiple, and you know how small she was," I whisper. He gazes at his gun, and continues his work in silence.

_"And these are the cyanide pills. Also called 'lullaby' or 'suicide' pills. If we were ever to be captured for interrogation and tortured, these are the easy way out," Cassian showed her what the little pocket was for._

_"Oh. Let's hope that there never comes a time when you'll need it," she whispers._

_"Yeah. But I'll never try to leave you. I'll stick it out for as long as possible. If it means a chance I seen you again." He uses a finger to lift her head up and meets his gaze. I can't_ see _but I can_ hear _their lips connect. Their movements and moans. I clear my throat._

_"In case you have forgotten I can still_ hear _everything Captain. I think I'll go now," I get up and head for the door._

_"Don't be too naughty. Draven is keeping an eye on you for me," I smirk. I can feel the heat radiating off of their cheeks._

"Baze."

"Chirrut?"

"How much do you think they loved each other?"

"Who? There are lots of couples on base. Han and the Princess, Bodhi and Luke..."

"You know who I'm talking about," I say.

"Probably a lot if being apart for that little amount of time killed her," he murmurs.

"And how much do you think that she loved Bodhi?"

"Not the same as Cassian, but she loved him like a brother none the less. They acted like they came from the same flesh and blood," he answers.

"I don't think Rook has much time left. I feel it in the Force."

"Oh nonsense. He has Luke and us and the other pilots. Surely he wouldn't... Luke specifically asked the council to make sure that all of us weren't able to get a hold of those pills unless we were on a mission," Baze says, panic in his voice.

"I feel it. We must protect him."

"Well how do we do that if he's halfway across the galaxy!"

"Luke. I have to tell Luke. He needs to protect our little brother," I say.

**_ Two Weeks later... _ **

**Baze's POV**

Ever since Chirrut told me that Bodhi would pass soon, I haven't been able to relax. How would we save him? He was all that was left of our short-lived Rogue One family.

"Baze?"

"Chirrut?"

"Are you okay?"

"No I'm not okay. Not when I know that the only member of our makeshift family is going to die soon," I grumble.

"We'll save him. I promise Baze."

"Chirrut we can't make promises like these! Remember before Cassian died that they promised he would be alive? Remember when Jyn promised that she was alright? Chirrut the future isn't promised to anyone so stop promising things that are impossible," I snap. All of the sudden, I get a head ache and I feel weak.

"Baze," he's interrupted by a pained cry. I run out of the room and into the hallway.

"What's going on," I ask Draven, who is kneeling besides a figure slouched by the wall. The figure looks familiar. Dressed in white. But the panic in my mind is making it hard to remember who it was.

"I-I d-don't know. Mon speak to me," he coos gently. Mothma. Something bad must have happened. The figure's body is racked by sobs, and Draven holds her close. I stand there awkwardly, trying to think of a way to help.

"Baze what's wrong," Chirrut asks. He was walking towards us slowly, hand grazing the wall.

"I don't know. But something really bad must've happened to make Mothma this way," I sigh. My heart is beating wildly, feeling like it's about to jump out of my chest.

"Baze breath. Baze! Baze!" The lights go out.

**Luke's POV**

We decided to come back to base after I visited Yoda. I had planned to stay on Dagobah longer but after he died, there was no point. We went to see the Guardians, but we're surprised to see Chirrut sitting alone in his room, crying.

"Chirrut what's wrong," Bodhi asked.

"He's gone. I can't believe it he's gone," he mumbles.

"Who's gone Chirrut? Who's gone," I ask, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach.

"Baze! Oh my gentle Baze lost his fight! He died," he wails. I'm frozen in place. When I regain my senses, I see the two embracing each other and sobbing.

"W-what happened," I stutter.

"A stroke. He had a stroke. He... he collapsed. And... he died," he says between tears.

"Oh Force Chirrut I'm so sorry," Bodhi gasps.

"And before he died... we were talking... about how he worried about you... like a little brother. He was so... worried. He wanted... to save... you," Chirrut choked out.

"Chirrut it's okay... he's one with the Force now," I hold his wrinkled hand in mine, and we grieve for our friend in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this! Constructive criticism is much appreciated. And if there appears to be an error/ inaccurate representation of anything, please comment. I do not wish to offend or harm anyone. Thank you!


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